My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
