Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
