Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
