that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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