I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
