I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
