My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
