I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
