Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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