i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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