What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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