Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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