i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
