Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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