I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
