That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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