I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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