apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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