dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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