susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
