toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
