its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
