I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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