I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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