Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
