Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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