My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
