the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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