Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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