I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
