guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
