wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
