Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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