So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
