I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
