Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
