??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
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Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
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I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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