One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
