I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
