fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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