margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
