i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
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Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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