Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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