oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i love accidental penises.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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