I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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