I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
