dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
