My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
