did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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