yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
