my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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