i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize