C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
