you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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