On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
