problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
