I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
