I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
