Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
