fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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