He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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