i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
