I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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