My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
