I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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