did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
