When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Even my vagina gasped.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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