as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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