Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
