I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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