We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
