Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
