So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
