My liver just broke up with me...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
