He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
