the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
