Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just tell him i said nine months
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
