im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
