She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
