my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
did i walk over a car last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
