We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
