she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
