I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
