Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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