btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
