he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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