i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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