I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm always down for nudity.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
