i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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