don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
