it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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