im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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